On the afternoon of October 24, on a corporate trip to Bar Harbor, Maine, we went to Clark Cove on the north side of Mount Desert Island to get clams and other shellfish. It was the first time clamming for most of us. The tool I was given that day was a hammer.
At the beginning, I was able to get mussels and an oyster from the rocks with the hammer. However, since this activity is called clamming, I also wanted to get some clams. I heard other saints had gotten a lot of clams, so I started to use the hammer to dig into the mud. But a hammer is not a shovel — it just cannot dig big holes, and the water filled in each hole I made before I could even see what was inside.
I asked the Lord, “Can I get one clam? I’ll stop digging after I get one clam.” All I got were stones. I felt I was stopped, but it was still hard for me to stop. I stopped digging for a little while, walked around, looked at what other people were getting, and encountered a brother who had just gotten some oysters and asked me if they were good to eat. Nevertheless, I still wanted to get clams, and went back to dig more.
Toward the end of that day, we were trying to get whatever we could, and sister H kept saying I could get oysters with the hammer. We found that the shape of the hammer was perfect to separate oysters from the rocks. We were very happy to get plentiful oysters for us and for brother J and sister C.
Holding the hammer, I had a lot of feelings: Lord, thank You for speaking to me in this way. Thank You for the hammer. I don’t need to follow other people for “clams,” for all the right things I should do. There is a specific function of the “tool” You gave me — one I probably already knew from the beginning. Why would I shy away from that? Why would I insist on my own stubbornness?
We always hear and say, “Believe in Him and live as He called us to live.” But what does this mean? What does it look like? Starting from this small thing: can I simply believe in the tool provided to me and not despise what it can be used for? Even this experience, however small it is, however it appears to others, as long as it is from the Lord, I am not ashamed to share it. And, I believe my experience already feeds you.
I’m thankful that I not only have the hammer, but also a sister H who discovered the tool in my hand and helped me to function as I ought to function. Moreover, I have those other saints, brother J and sister C, who can only be “fed” when I live and function as I ought to. Why admire other people’s “clams,” why work so hard to dig out stones? Instead, why not use the tool that is from the Lord to produce edible fruit for feeding ourselves and others?
Lord, I don’t need what looks good to others, but to be faithful to what You have placed in my hands and to serve the people You have surrounded me with. I confess that in the past, what You gave to me I have shied away from. I had much disbelief and my own opinions for what looks better. But that only got me stones. Now, I break through with You to testify according to my experience. No more stones; I want to gain fruit and food! May I live boldly in the church life to function in the specific way You have called me to!
– YJ